Thursday, December 12, 2013
Creating Day 12 - Turning Mud Into Gold #Reverb13
Today's prompt and image come from the exquisite circus queen, Rachael Maddox. Rachael is a seeker and a soul-igniter and her animal card readings will connect you to your most primal, vital self.
I'm a big fan of muddy experiences. They become our greatest teachers when we're wise enough to exfoliate with them; roll around in the deep until we finally feel ready to get clean.
Today, identify something muddy that kept recurring for you throughout 2013, and then ask yourself this: What's the clear truth underneath this damn mud if I finally wash myself clean?
As I breathe in a deep breathe in response to this prompt so many images come to mind.
A time when my sister and I were in grade school and we created our own mud slide during a visit to my Papa's farm. We slid down the back of the lake damn over and over again squealing with laughter. We had SOOOOO much fun. We had red mud from head to toe and got in SOOOOO much trouble (I think for ruining our clothes). It still makes me giggle and as a mom I also get why that would be a pain to clean up. I wish I had a picture to share :)
Cleaning up the messes -that's what also comes up for me when I read the words "What's the clear truth underneath this damn mud if I finally wash myself clean?"
What have I been mucking up this year? Two relationships that are very close to me. One a dear friendship and one a teenage daughter.
The clear truth of one is that it was time for change and that even though it hurts some good has come of this. The mud involves a misunderstanding and hurt feelings. It's time to wash myself clean (why does this always feel more daunting that it turns out to be) by forgiving myself and her and renegotiating our friendship and where we want it to go from here. I've been waiting for the "right" time to do this. Through #Reverb13 blogging I've been realizing that the time is now.
So I'm committing to myself that I will have this (perhaps tough) conversation by the end of next week. Not sure if all the mud will come out in the wash but if I don't attempt it will still be there like a stain that was neglected too long.
With my teenager the clear truth is that I have some "more" work to do on myself. Geez. The spiral keeps going around.
I need to ask myself some tough questions, "Where in my life am I shutting down and why?" "What am I resisting out of fear?" "What stinking thinking do I have going on in my head?"
My normally long fuse has been way too short lately as her teenage anxiety and shenanigans trigger feelings from my past of inadequacy. So this morning in addition to supporting her and her journey, I am committing to work on my "stuff." To use the tools I know work and lead through example. To love myself, to take care of myself with healthy choices and to co-create and manifest in my life joy, laughter and love.
I still feel like I'm in the midst of this mud and it's starting to get dry and uncomfortable. It's for sure time to wash it off gently and find the gold underneath.
Wish me luck :)