Having a moment...or two!

Lost passwords, computer glitches and other fun things have delayed me in starting my blog today.  Or at least those are the physical things I can "blame" it on for now.  Even as I type this the screen is in a grey color I have never encountered and I just had a pop up box say "Highlight the problem."  Okay, now that's funny, laugh out loud funny since that was what I was going to write on today...the problem (so let me highlight it for you).  

Yesterday after a wonderful workout, blog post and productive day I had an "Oh no, what have I done moment!" Sort of like the one I had after my 3rd blog post recently.  I felt vulnerable and had that squirmy feeling in the pit of my stomach that accompanies the little voice whispering, "Hide...there's still time...hide."  

Even as I type that the "grown up" in me scoffs slightly and says, "Just a little Drama Darling?"  

Back to the vulnerability.  My dear friend, Cynthia, offered to help with my flyer for my upcoming Fall Women's Retreat - she is delightful and so was the flyer she produced in a remarkably quick time.  I was in business.  I have been facilitating women's retreats in Georgia for the past four years and attending them for over 13 years in Texas at Earthsprings with mentor and friend, Glenda Taylor.  Retreats are one of my passions.  So what is the problem you say?  When I saw my flyer on Facebook, for what it felt like all the world to see, it induced a bit of panic.  The usual gremlins whispering, "Who are you to do this?" To which I always say, "I am the person willing too!"  and the other fun one, "What if no one shows up?"  To which I respond, "Then you must be in need of a solitary retreat and that will be delightful." 

Today as I write this it seems a bit silly.  Yet I know for myself and other artists that putting ourselves out into the world can sometimes be intimidating.  I know I have the skills, the heart and the time to create this magical weekend for others and I am willing to offer it to other women and the universe.  So I sit here breathing deeply and comforting myself that all will be well superb and that taking the first steps is key to creating anything.

Brené Brown's third book Daring Greatly
(which is a must read by the way) has the following Leadership Manifesto which I sought out in this moment to give me courage (and you can find a printed copy on her website www.brenebrown.com):

The Daring Greatly Leadership Manifesto

To the CEOs and teachers. To the principals and the managers. The the politicians, community leaders, and decision-makers:

We want to show up, we want to learn, and we want to inspire.
We are hardwired for connection, curiosity, and engagement.
We crave purpose, and we have a deep desire to create and contribute.
We want to take risks, embrace our vulnerabilities, and be courageous.
When learning and working are dehumanized- when you no longer see us and no longer encourage our daring, or when you only see what we produce or how we perform - we disengage and turn away from the very things that the world needs from us:  our talent, our ideas, and our passion.
What we ask is that you engage with us, show up beside us, and learn from us.
Feedback is a function of respect; when you don't have honest conversations with us about our strengths and our opportunities for growth we question our contributions and your commitment.

Above all else, we ask that you show up, let yourself be seen, and be courageous.  Dare Greatly with us.  

That last line truly speaks to me in this moment and I say, "YES!  I WILL show up.  For the Retreat , https://www.facebook.com/events/404559516310918/, for the Interplay Secrets Weekend and Leadership training, https://www.facebook.com/events /473071402789566/ and for all the other things I have a passion for including my girl scouts, my new blog and my fun, active life.  I WILL let myself be seen (even if I'm shaking in my boots a little), I WILL be courageous and you need to know...I will be daring greatly! 

What do you have going on in your life where you want to dare greatly?  I'd love to hear about it.

Hugs and a high-five,

Christine

Manifesting Mondays

Recently a group of friends and I starting gathering for a Manifesting Monday's group that I facilitate.  This is a one hour goal and positive accountability group to help us focus in on our dreams and what we want to create.  It's based loosely on Jack Canfield's book The Success Principles - How to get from where you are to where you want to be. Today was our 3rd time to meet.  One of the things that we fill out is a victory log that has blank lines (19) for you to write your weekly successes down - for me it's about giving gratitude and thanks also.  This week my page was overflowing!!!  It was such a busy and full week.  When I looked at what was different about this week several things stood out - This week I led with creativity!  With Ruth Schowalter's
encouragement and inspiration I began blogging daily which activates my creativity early in the day and helps me to have fun!  Sometimes when I lead with the "shoulds" I get bogged down in drudgery and we all know that leads to stinky moods.  That being said I do confess that a few more "shoulds" need to happen soon or my children will be in danger of having nothing clean to wear to school :)  The other thing I did this week was dance and dance some more with my sweetheart as some of you know from yesterday's post.  Filling my soul plate this week also included connecting with good friends for great conversation, snuggle time with my girls and volunteering/advocating for a great program I believe in - our public schools Fine Arts program.  Throw in some great exercise and reading Sheila's terrific book (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y12Wj06_nAI) and I declare last week a success in so many ways!!!  So today on Manifesting Monday and Labor Day I pause to think about the week ahead and what adventures await me.  I'd love to hear what you are wanting to create in your life?

Creating Happiness,

Christine

Daily Practice and a Poem of Thanksgiving

The thing about a daily practice is that in order to get better you must practice it daily.  Brilliant insight... I know.  

Yet on this stormy Sunday afternoon I am just sitting down to "make" myself write.  I am tired.  Two days of Dragon Con and dancing way into the early morning with the love of life has worn me out.  

I am full of great memories and my body can still sway with the music and yet in the same breath it is saying, "Stop. Take a break and rest."  

So today, even though I had grand plans to get to the Decatur book festival I am honoring my body's wisdom and resting.  

I've been thinking about this post this morning and the headache that has been plaguing me and wondering what it is I have to share today.  I have been wanting to share some of my poetry.  Yesterday I bravely told a friend that next year I want to participate in the Decatur book festival by reading some of my poetry.  I am fascinated by Slam Poetry and have set a goal for my self to write and perform some in 2014.  

I just went and grabbed one of my favorite journals off my bedroom bookshelf.  It's called A Women's Journal which has a beautiful hard back blue cover with a delicate bouquet of flowers on the front and was filled with blank pages and quotes by amazing women when Joe gave it to me years ago as a gift.  

This journal holds pieces of my soul:  Poetry, Sammie's tiny baby foot print (from 11 years ago) her birth story and notes from several sacred retreats.  Needless to say it is yummy.  Just opening it feels like greeting a true friend with a warm hug and the sigh of satisfaction you get when you know that you are loved.  

Today I picked the poem Thanksgiving to share with you.  It was written during a women's retreat and is one of my favorites.  Several years ago I sent it with my sister into the desert at Burning Man as my art to be used in ceremony.  

Today and tomorrow wrap up another year of Burning Man, Dragon Con and the Decatur Book Festival.  Three amazing events that celebrate creativity and artists and each one in different ways call to my soul.  So in honor of this fabulous weekend which is honoring creativity all across the land and taking it back into the world I give you "Thanksgiving."


"Thanksgiving" 
 by C. Gautreaux


You were there.

I feel it in my being.

From the moment we first met
I know we had loved before.

You are my sister and my friend.

Together we have shared may lifetimes.

You were there when spirit looked around and chose our paths.

You were holding my hand, surrounding me in light
and searing the message into my soul...

I'll be there.

I think I over did it....

"I think I over did it..." Is a phrase that makes me chuckle.  I hear it on a very regular basis from my dear husband, Joe, who loves to work out and push himself to his maximum.  He tells me these words like they are a surprise usually every Tuesday/Thursday (Zumba and lifting weights day) and at least once during the weekend after a 2+ hour workout.

This morning when I woke up they were the first words that filtered through my mind...."I think I over did it..."

Yesterday was a doozie for sure!

I had my regular routines with the kiddos in the morning which includes the neighborhood car pool for Alex and her friends in high school which starts at 6:45am and then Sammie heads off to school about 8:30 .  Once I got them launched into their Friday journey I met my friend and neighbor Ellen so we could go do Strong Lifts at the YMCA.  We got a great lifting work out in before we headed off to the Aquatic center for our much loved outdoor river running class.  Even though the sun was reluctant to make an appearance and the day overcast (as it has been much of this Atlanta summer) the workout was terrific and the endorphins were doing a happy dance - such a great way to start the day!

The plan had been to sneak in a nap sometime late afternoon/early evening in preparation of going out with Joe for his annual birthday weekend/Dragon Con extravaganza. We had been talking about the upcoming crazy full weekend and doing our best to prioritize the "musts" which included several dances.

It's a big weekend here in ATL - Dragon Con the largest Sci-Fi convention in the nation (think 57,000 costumed geeks) is happening downtown and The Decatur Book Festival ( 75,000 reading/writing geeks) and it's Labor day so there are various parties (including a neighborhood block party) that are calling our names - We LOVE where we live!!!

My nap plans were delightfully derailed when I checked the mail after a afternoon carpool (and a very productive day I might add) to find my friend Sheila's newly released book had arrived!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y12Wj06_nAI



Well I just had to take a quick peek - I knew it was going to be fantastic and the release had been much anticipated.  The book was captivating.  Such an incredible story of love and courage.  When Joe came home over three hours later to pick me up for our date - he found me with tears streaming down my face saying, "just a moment love, just a moment."  I wasn't quite finished with the book but set it aside to rapidly shift gears and jump into an 80's costume for the theme dance we had picked for the night.

I have to tell you I was having trouble being in the moment.  My heart and mind where still in the book, with my friend Sheila and her beloved family.  Out of commitment to my sweetheart I did my best to shift my mood and get in the spirit of the evening.  One of the things that helped is that Sheila is a dancer - a fabulous dancer who has taught me throughout the years that you can dance out anything happiness, sorry, anger and the beat goes on.

If you know me, you know that I am a morning person :) which is is in direct contrast to Joe being a night owl.   So we're heading out at 9pm (otherwise known as my bedtime) for a great adventure.

We arrive downtown which is pulsing with energy as thousands of costumed people move from hotel to hotel seeking fun and connection.  There is something magical about this type of energy.  Usually I am at my best in small groups and love being with people I really know but I have to admit it is fun to occasionally navigate the rhythm of large crowds. 

After a couple hours of dancing with the 80's music that I love (because I know the words and can sing along) we took a break.  As we were heading back from the restrooms we found the ballroom where the Drum Circle was going on - Eureka!!!  Now here are my people :)  Out of everything at the Con this was something I had wanted to check out but had not had the opportunity since Joe usually sets the schedule ad he LOVES dancing the night away.  Much to his surprise there was great dancing occurring in this room.  Belly dancers, fire spinners (with l.e.d. poi since we were inside) and more.  We decided to watch for a moment and soak it in.  It wasn't long before my star patterned converses came off and Joe and I joined the "tribal" dancing.  Mmmmmm.  What an unexpected treat.  It's hard to express how much this filled my soul.  I was already feeling connected to Sheila and my clan through the reading of her book earlier in the day and this was just an added gift.  The drums reminded me, as Sheila's book had, of my connection to Mother Earth and all my relations.   They reminded me of years of retreats that continue to fill my "cup" with the good stuff that can be shared with the world.  It was such a joy to share this moment with Joe - his love of dancing and my love of the native culture blending together seamlessly.

I made it to 2:00 am.

All I can say is thank goodness for this year's triathlon training :)

As I limped (just a little) up the stairs to crawl into bed I realized that I had to finish Sheila's book or I wouldn't be able to sleep.  So in the time it took my energy to settle down I read the last couple of chapters of Warrior Mother to complete my "day".  What a day it was. 

I have so much more to tell you as this day has already started off with the possibilities of so many more adventures but I will leave that for another story...



Overflowing with joy,

Christine

Good Enough....

So the thing I'm finding the most difficult about starting a blog and "practicing" it daily is it being good enough.  Yesterday I did a very quick post in less than 15 minutes to go with the topic I chose.  After I hit "publish" the doubts starting creeping in..."Was it good enough? Oh my, that was fluff! etc, etc"  Then when I realized that blog would be the first one folks saw when they went to my blog vs. the previous two posts (which I spent more time on and reflected more on before I hit the publish button) I was really squirming.  When I shared these feelings with a good friend of mine she gave the idea of "hiding" the blog if I wanted to so I still had written for the day but I didn't have to share.  I thought about this.  Was still thinking about it this morning and realized the core issue was one I have struggled with my whole life - being good enough.  Perfectionism has a tendency to stop me from doing things I love - such as writing and sharing.  The fear of not being "good enough" or perfect or etc, etc.  I know I'm not perfect.  You know I'm not perfect.   So letting go of that illusion and the fear that you quit reading if I have an off day/crappy post is a must.  There will be days (many I'm guessing) where 15 minutes is all I have to give to writing.  (Especially while my amazing daughters are at home and I'm blessed to have the opportunity to juggle all the varied tasks that come with four busy talented people living their lives).  So today I'm taking a deep breath (Inhales deeply) and declaring "it" GOOD ENOUGH.

Namaste,

Christine

15 Minutes a Day...

In Fifteen Minutes a day you can do anything!  This is a theme that has been running through my life since I first discovered www.flylady.net almost 10 years ago. 

The FlyLady  has a wonderful system for staying organized and keeping your house clean all based on the premise that it can happen in 15 minute increments. 

 I LOVE her system and I'm so grateful that she helped me learn this practice.  I've since taken it and applied it to different areas of my life.

I started out years ago doing Rodney Yee's AM Yoga practice with is approx. 15 minutes. AWESOME! A great way to start my day and get centered and focus on the people and things that mattered most.

 I realized during River running last week that it was at that magic 15/20 minute mark that my grey mood (that matched the never ending clouds last week) suddenly lifted and the day was brighter because of the choice I had made to get out and move my body.

 So a few things I'm working on at least 15 minutes a day in addition to my FlyLady and Exercise....

Morning Pages for The Artist's Way 

Meditation & Prayer

Connecting with each member of my family

Connecting with friends & loved ones 

Writing a Blog and Publishing :) - Yep - It's done for today in just that amount of Time :)

 

Blogging for You? Blogging for Me? Blogging for Therapy?

It’s almost Fall.  The time of year when the kids are getting back to school, the time of year that I’m beginning to get my school-year stride and the time of year that I’m having my annual identity crisis.   

I laugh at myself even as I type this.  August/Sept. is always the time of year that I question what I am doing with my life.  This is the time of year I tend to get myself in trouble for signing up for too many committees, saying yes to too many things that distract me from my true purpose (whatever that is) when the question of what it is I want to create is too overwhelming for me to boil down into a finite manner that I can execute on this earthly plane – especially while balancing my family, household, carpool and all the rest.

I have been flirting with blogging for years now.  It fascinates me.  I love following my friends’ blogs and the writer in me looks on with awe and wonder and then the nudging in my soul begins begging me to start producing.  

I recently met a new friend, Ruth Schowalter at Atlanta InterPlay – she’s amazing – she’s an artist, blogger and so many more things that I am eagerly anticipating learning about her as we get to know each other.

She offered her blogging help and asked these questions…

“We can talk about where you want to go with your blog from that starting place. Be thinking about your MISSION. Why go to your blog and write? What is your PURPOSE for blogging. An overarching MISSION that you are totally committed to will keep you blogging enthusiastically. Also, who are you writing for??? Who is your audience and what do they need to know about your MISSION.”

The start she was talking about was when my first blog poured out of me after my friend Wendy died.  http://itissafe.blogspot.com/

Not the usual way folks start a blog I suspect.

So I started to ponder her questions and here was my “quick” response…

“Answering the questions you asked - wow - My mission. I am and always have been a facilitator. I'm a social worker and a trainer, a coach, an artist, a poet, etc. So many directions I could take it in - including my Native American inspired women's retreats. My mission I think has always been to inspire people, to connect people and to celebrate relationships and Mother Earth. One of my biggest blocks to doing a blog on a daily basis (and where my career is going) is I want to do it All!!!!

Oh and triathlon training for folks over 40 and Paleo lifestyle.... so many topics....what to do....”

With further contemplation:

When I think about who I’m writing for, I think about the writing that has bubbled up and out of me in the past.  My best work has been inspired by great emotion and writing gives me the venue to present it or get it out as it is.  My poetry has been whispering louder and louder looking for a platform to be heard.  So in part I’m writing for me.  For that part of me that wants to share what is in my soul for you, my friends and family to see. 

Then there is the part of me that is shy (yes, I do have that part of me- quit snickering) hesitates to say this next bit…that I am writing for you.  Do I have some wisdom to impart that will inspire you?  I would hope so.  

But here is where it gets tricky in my brain and cup that flows over with an abundance of ideas.  Which topic/mission do I pick?  Would it work to do them all?

Like multi-colored threads of a tapestry weaving together that in effect is my fun-filled, crazy life. 

So that is what today’s tiptoeing into the shallow waters of blogging is about…creating a blog…creating a mission…really just creating.  That is what my soul has been shouting for more of this time of year…what am I creating?

So tell me what are you creating this time of year?  And, if you’re interested in following my blog is there any one topic that you would love to read more about (from the previous list given) or are you game for them all?

Wrapping you around with infinite love and laughter today and always,

Christine